


Rescue Mission

by Starofwinter



Category: Star Wars Legends: Republic Commando Series - Karen Traviss
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fix-It, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Rescue Missions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 01:36:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13260876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starofwinter/pseuds/Starofwinter
Summary: Atin can count the number of times he’d cried himself to sleep on one hand: the first time he’d had a nightmare after a live fire exercise; the first night he’d slept alone after Geonosis with his squad dead and left behind on a foreign planet; the night he’d turned his back on the closest thing he’d had to a father; finally, now, as he lies alone in an empty bunk, the dead commlink still clutched in his hand.





	Rescue Mission

**Author's Note:**

> I might add more to this later, but this works as a complete fic!
> 
> Translations in end notes.

Atin can count the number of times he’d cried himself to sleep on one hand: the first time he’d had a nightmare after a live fire exercise; the first night he’d slept alone after Geonosis with his squad dead and left behind on a foreign planet; the night he’d turned his back on the closest thing he’d had to a father; finally, now, as he lies alone in an empty bunk, the dead commlink still clutched in his hand.  

Delta is on their way out, and Scorch, furious tears still choking his voice, had comm’d him to break the news.  They’d left Sev on Kashyyyk.  Atin had gone silent then, unable to find his voice to respond to Scorch.  Eventually, the commlink went dead, and he slumped into his bunk, staring at the wall as his entire world crumbled apart around him.

He isn’t sure when the tears started, but he can’t stop them so he doesn’t try.  His whole body shakes as he sobs silently.  He’ll need to tell the others, tell Fi - he knows they have a connection - and… fuck, how is he supposed to do this without falling apart?

The bed dips beside him, and Kal sighs as he rests a hand on his shoulder.  “It’s Sev, isn’t it?” he asks gently, and Atin can only nod, “ _ Manda _ , I’m sorry.”  He doesn’t say anything else, and Atin is grateful for that.  He just sits with him and rubs his shoulder, and lets Atin cling and sob his broken heart out into his chest until he can’t cry anymore.

* * *

In the end, it’s Kal who breaks the news to Fi, because Atin  _ can’t _ .  Atin, feeling like a coward, lies in his room, staring silently at the wall opposite again.  He’s past crying, past  _ feeling _ anything, and he just feels  _ cold _ .  Eventually, Fi slips into the bed with him, curling up against his chest and burying his face in his shoulder.  He’s still shaking, and Atin wraps the blanket around him too.  “Why’d they leave him?” Fi asks, his voice soft and breaking, “Why’d they leave him behind, Atin?”

“‘Cause they had to,” Atin says, his voice hollow, “They’d have gone back if they could.”  He wants to be angry, he wants to demand  _ why _ too, but he’s just… fuck, he’s so tired, and he’s so used to losing everyone, why had he thought he wouldn’t lose Sev too?

* * *

Delta’s homecoming isn’t what they wanted it to be.  Instead of the joyful, exuberant reunion they’d planned on, it’s subdued and pained, and Scorch utterly refuses to speak to Boss or Fixer - or any of them, really.  He goes to Atin and Fi, and wraps his arms around them, the three of them grieving in the only way they know how.

“I tried to bring him back,” Scorch whispers, his voice breaking, “I tried, I’m sorry.”

“We know, vod,” Fi says softly, his arm wrapped around him, touching their temples together, “It’s not your fault.”  

Everyone leaves them alone for a while, lets them grieve together - they love Sev in different ways, but they love him still, and they understand one another’s grief in their own ways.  

It isn’t that Boss and Fixer don’t grieve, but it’s different.  Boss sits with Niner and Ordo and chain-smokes tabacc sticks and drinks while his anger at his officers and himself pours out like so much blood and poison on the ground.  

Fixer goes even more silent than before, and he buries himself in whatever projects the others will give him.  If he speaks, it’s in signs.  He’s angry with himself too, but it’s the helpless kind of anger that comes with leaving behind men that can’t be saved.  He keeps building something that might be a radio tower or long range comms.  He still can’t reach Kashyyyk, and they wake up one morning to the pieces strewn everywhere, and Fixer in the center of the destruction, fingers buried in his hair while he sobs silently.

* * *

A week passes, then a month.  They all hope Sev got out, that he’ll find a way to them, but how can he?  He doesn’t know where they are, or what happened after his squad left him behind on Kashyyyk.  If he did get out… stars knew where he was, or how they could even start to find him.

Atin knows it’s hopeless.  He  _ knows _ .  But how can he live with the knowledge that part of his soul is out there in the galaxy, lost?   He’s spent the last month somewhere between  _ numb _ and so,  _ so angry _ , at the galaxy, at himself, at the Jedi, at the Republic, at their officers… he hasn’t failed to notice that everyone is making sure to keep as much distance as possible between him and Vau, and he’s a little grateful.  After everything, he wants so badly to lash out, and Vau is a better target than anyone else he could find.  Maybe it’s not directly his fault, but he was responsible for enough of Sev’s pain that he deserves  _ some _ kind of retaliation.  He hasn’t even been there for Boss or Fixer or Scorch.  Does he even  _ care _ that Sev is lost?  Or does he blame him for some  _ failure _ ?  Atin doesn’t know or care, he just wants to make someone else hurt as much as he does.

“We have to do something,” he says, as he sits with Scorch and Fi at the table, keeping his voice low.  Everyone else might be asleep, but this needs to be kept between them still.  “We need to go and find him.” 

Fi shakes his head.  “I can’t,” he says quietly, looking at his shaking hands, “I’m still not-”  He gestures to his head, and clenches his jaw, anger and frustration flickering through his expression.  He’s still not healed yet, he’s still forgetful and loses words and gets lost more than anyone would like.  It frustrates him, even if he doesn’t say it out loud.

“No worries,” Scorch says, squeezing his shoulder, “We can’t risk taking a big crew, and… well, better if someone here knows where we went, just in case-”

“Ke’shevla,” Atin says sharply, “Ni’copaani mirshmure'cye.”  They were already getting trouble, they didn’t need to ask for more. 

“Alright, yeah.  So we… what, steal a ship and then somehow get through an Imperial blockade?  And then go find Sev in five million square miles of forest?  It’s not that I don’t want to do it, but  _ kriff _ , it’s gonna be shabla hard.”  

A sound from the hallway makes them all jump, but it’s only Kal, fully armored, with a datapad in one hand, and his helmet in the other.  “Here.  The locations of a fleet of ships, how to disable the trackers, and the passcodes you’ll need to get one and then get onto Kashyyyk.  Fixer’s and Prudii’s work, it’s good.”  Kal sets the ‘pad down on the table and slides it over.  “You’ll need to move fast once you land, but that should work for at least a standard week.  The Empire’s in chaos, and that’ll help us.  The reports I’m getting, they couldn’t find their shebse with both hands and a map, let alone keep straight who’s working for them or not.  You don’t have to do this alone.”

And just like that, everything falls into place.  

* * *

Atin doesn’t remember much of the scramble to get their gear together or the trip to get their new ship.  He vaguely remembers Kal reaching up to clasp his shoulder and tug him down to gently knock their helmets together.  “Bring our man home,” he says softly, “Tell him you love him this time.  He’s gonna need that.”

He hasn’t let himself think about that.  He’s shoved all the ways he feels about Sev down into a locked box in his chest, and he  _ can’t _ open that up, not yet.  Not till Sev is standing in front of him, safe and okay and  _ fine _ , because he  _ has to _ be fine.  Atin still has to tell him he loves him, right?  They’d promised to try again, to start over with everything they’d fucked up.  He has to see him again.

Scorch’s hand on his shoulder startles him out of his spiraling thoughts.  “We’re here, vod.  Are you gonna be okay?”  

Atin swallows and nods.  “I’ll be fine.”  He has to be.  Sev needs him to be.

The forest they step out into, near the base where Delta had seen Sev last, is eerily quiet and empty.  There’s no insects and no birds, no animals, nothing to make a sound besides the whispers of wind through the trees.  It’s haunting, or  _ haunted _ , and he shoves that thought down deep.  Like he’d told Scorch back on Mandalore, no sense in asking for a smack in the face.  He gestures for Scorch to follow him, and sets off, deeper into the forest, looking for any sign of Sev.  He tries not to hope too much.

* * *

Three days.  Three days before they find a trail.  It’s barely there, it could just be an animal trail, but somehow, they know.

Sev is listening to ghosts when Atin finds him, his eyes unfocused and wild as he stares into the distance, his head cocked.  Atin’s seen it before, when their men were alone for too long in the field.  How  _ he _ had come to be the one best at guiding them back to themselves was a question he didn’t know how to answer, but hells, he did what he needed to do.  The fact that it’s  _ Sev _ who needs him this time… he pushes that out of his mind.  He needs to focus.  “Sev,” he said quietly, stepping in front of him, “Eyes on me, cyar'ika.”  He keeps his voice calm and steady as he crouches in Sev’s line of vision.

He keeps talking, and Sev’s darting glances slow until he’s fixated on the middle distance, though his gaze is slowly tracking toward Atin.  Atin is never sure whether the men he’s found like this are really seeing ghosts, as the stories passed around the camps go, or whether it’s them finally succumbing to the madness that always hangs at the edges of their minds like a wild creature skirting the firelight, but it’s enough to give him cold shivers whenever he thinks about it too long.  

Atin isn’t stupid, he doesn’t reach out to Sev yet.  He doesn’t want to get a snapped wrist or a broken nose, or worse, for his troubles.  He doesn’t change the tone of his voice, even when Sev finally looks at -  _ through _ \- him.  “Sev, can you hear me?”  Kriff, he hopes he's getting through. 

There’s a moment when it feels like the whole galaxy is hushed and waiting, before Sev whispers, “You came for me.”  His voice is harsh and rough, like he's been screaming or breathing in too much smoke without a filter.

“Of course I did.  Always will.”  Atin reaches out to him -  _ slowly _ , so slowly, like he’s reaching out to a wild animal - until Sev’s gaze goes razor-sharp.

“How do I know it’s really you?” Sev demands, and  _ fuck _ , this was what Atin had been hoping to avoid, “How do I know you’re not in my head?”

Atin reaches up, still moving almost painfully slowly, and pulls down the collar of his blacks to reveal the scar Sev had left on his shoulder, a ring of teeth imprinted in his skin.  He could have put bacta on it, to make sure it healed properly, but he wanted it to scar.  If he was going to wear scars from anyone, he wanted at least one of them to be from someone he loved.  “You gave me these after I asked you to.”

Sev reaches out slowly, brushing his fingers over the scarred bite.  “I gave you that,” he repeats, and that seems to settle him in his skin a little, bringing him back to the present, “You really kept it?”  

“Of course I did,” Atin says, “If I have scars, I want at least one of them to be yours.”  He doesn’t move, not until Sev reaches out for him, but then he goes easily, letting Sev pull him into a crushing hug, burying his face in Atin’s shoulder.  “Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay, I’ve got you now.”

Sev’s breath hitches as he breathes him in, shaking in Atin’s arms.  “You came for me,” he whispers again, “You really came.  I thought- after everything, I didn’t think-  I didn’t think you wanted me.”

“I do,  _ kar’ta _ , I do, always, I swear it on the stars.”  Atin holds him tight, rubbing between Sev’s shoulders, shushing him.  His heart is beating triple-time, but he breathes slowly, letting Sev match the pattern.  “I love you, I’ll always find you, no matter how far you get lost.  Can you stand?  Scorch is waiting at the ship for us.”

“Scorch… I heard him, he wanted to come for me.”  Sev sounds a little dazed still, but with Atin’s help, he manages to climb to his feet, shaky and leaning heavily against him.  Atin takes the weight, letting Sev lean against him and wrapping an arm around his waist to hold him up while they make their way through the forest.  “Heard them arguing.  Heard them leave.”

Atin nods.  “He wanted to come back, they all did.  Figured if shit went sideways, Scorch was the one that could just blow everything to hell, yeah?”  He tries to grin at Sev, hoping to get one in response, but he’s watching the forest, wary and cagey.  Atin doesn’t know what he’s survived in the last weeks in the forest alone, and he’s afraid to ask.  “It’s alright, let’s get you home.”

It’s harder and easier, getting back to the ship - easier because they’re not scouring every inch of the forest for hints, but harder because Sev can barely walk under his own power.  It takes both of them to support him, and Atin knows Scorch is worried that Sev doesn’t argue at all, just leans on their shoulders as they stumble through the woods.

He thanks whatever power is looking out for them that they manage to avoid all patrols till they’re onboard, and the only check-in they have is a nat-born who sounds more out of breath than they do.  

The second they’re in hyperspace, Atin slips to the back, going to Sev while Scorch gets in contact with the rest of their family.  He’s sitting in the middle of the bay, looking around at the ship like he still can’t believe it’s real.  “Sev?” he says softly, trying not to startle him, “Hey, I need to look over these cuts, you mind if I get your armor off?”  

Sev shakes his head quickly.  “Can’t take armor off in the field,” he argues, “Not till after debriefing.”

Atin sighs.  He’d expected something like this, even if he’d  _ hoped _ it would be easier.  Sev has always been a stubborn bastard though.  He can’t be annoyed, not when Sev looks like he’s clinging to what’s left of regulations and rules by his fingernails just to stay sane.  A month and a half in a deserted Kashyyyk forest, living on stars knew what and completely alone… Sev is doing better than they could have expected.  “Alright, so give me your report.  Start from the landing.”

Sev freezes in place, his eyes darting between the middle distance and Atin, like he isn’t sure whether this is  _ okay _ .  At Atin’s encouraging nod, he starts to talk.  Most of it, he already knows, between Delta’s descriptions and Etain’s, but he has to fight to keep his expression neutral when Sev whispers, “I tried to comm them, I told them-  I told them I could get there, but they  _ left _ .  They had orders, but-  I hoped… I hoped they’d stay for me.”  He looks  _ guilty _ as he drops his gaze to his shaking hands.  “I know we’re trained to follow orders.  I know that.  They did what they had to do.  They did the right thing.  Did what Sergeant Vau would have wanted us to do.  I fell behind.”  It’s getting harder for him to get the words out, and he’s struggling to form sentences; Atin’s chest aches - it’s so unlike the Sev he’s come to know, broken and shaken.  “I knew things went bad, heard them shouting for General Yoda’s execution, but I stayed away.  Something didn’t feel right.  So I stayed in the woods, got as far as I could from it all.  Avoided patrols, stayed away from everyone, and… I waited.  I kept hoping someone would come looking for me, but I didn’t really think anyone would.  I don’t-  I don’t remember a lot of it,” he confesses, “I just blanked out, stopped  _ thinking _ , till I heard you.  I didn’t know if you were real, and I didn’t-  I didn’t care anymore.  Still not really sure I’m not gonna wake up back there, or if I’m gonna wake up at all.”

“Sev.  Sev, look at me.”  Atin crouches in front of him, taking his face in his hands - he’s never seen Sev anything but perfectly clean-shaven, and it’s  _ strange _ \- gently guiding him to meet his eyes.  “You’re safe.  You’re here with me and Scorch.  We’re on our way to Mandalore - Boss and Fixer are there, so’s the rest of Omega, and Sergeant Skirata with all of his boys.  It’s  _ home _ .”  

“Everything’s changed,” Sev says quietly, “What about- what about the GAR, the Jedi, the war?  What happened?”

Atin sighs.  “That’s a long story, and I’ll explain everything in a little while, but first, you promised you’d let me see what’s under your armor.”

Sev rolls his eyes at him, and Atin can’t help the little flare of warmth in his chest at the familiar gesture.  “I didn’t promise you osik.”

“Yeah well, I need to see it anyway.”

Sev snorts, but he lets Atin carefully remove the armor, stacking it next to them as he does.  Sev is painfully thin - they need a high caloric intake as it is, and while they all had ration cubes as part of their kit, he knows there was no way they lasted till now.  “When was the last time you ate?” he asks quietly, looking up at Sev, who shrugs, his gaze going distant again.  

“Can’t remember.  Might’ve been a week ago?  Set traps, nothing to catch.  Just quiet.”   He’s folding in on himself, staring into the distance, losing himself in it again.  

Atin takes his hands in his own, trying to ground him.  All their angry, aching, terrified antagonism from before was lost the moment Scorch whispered over the comm that Sev was  _ gone _ , and now all that’s left is the desperate, heartbroken, terrified love makes his chest ache.  “Stay with me, cyare, just stay with me.  Come on, let’s get you cleaned up, and then I’ll heat up some of the stew Mereel packed.  You know he can cook?  I didn’t.  It’s even edible most of the time.”

Sev snorts a laugh, letting Atin guide him to his feet and leaning into him while they walk to the tiny on-board ‘fresher.  It’s not a shower, but Atin helps him out of his blacks anyway.  Between them, they get Sev cleaned up a little - there are fewer injuries than Atin was afraid he would find, and he sends out thanks to the galaxy for that too.  

Sev starts shaking halfway through, and by the time Atin is finished, he can barely stand.  His breathing is harsh and fast, and his hand can barely grip Atin’s shoulder when he reaches out to steady himself.  Atin drops the towel in his hands and stands up, wrapping his arms around Sev.  “Shh, shh.  You’re safe, you’re safe, I promise.  I’m here now, nothing can hurt you again, I won’t let it.”

“Promise?” Sev whispers, sounding more vulnerable and  _ broken _ than Atin has ever heard him.  

It twists the knife in his chest, and he nods, pressing a kiss to his temple.  “I promise.  I promise, cyar’ika, you’re safe, I won’t ever let anything hurt you, okay?  We’re going home, and I’m gonna take care of you, I swear.  I love you, Sev, I love you so much, and I’m never gonna let you go again.”

It isn’t going to fix everything, but for now, with Sev quieting in his arms and clinging to him like a lifeline, it might be enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Ke'shevla - be quiet  
> ni'copaani mirshmure'cye - don't ask for a smack in the face; figuratively, _don't borrow trouble_


End file.
